When death comes knocking at your door

Today is my 57th Birthday and I am so glad to be able to write this to you. I am going to share with you my story which took me on a spiritual adventure that I don’t with to repeat but from which I have learned so much. 

Last weekend I looked after my two lovely grandchildren and just after handing them back I began to feel as if I had swollen glands coming. Looking back in retrospect this was the first sign of an infection. Over the next few days this progressed to a cold then flu like symptoms which had me feeling quite ill by Wednesday night. I was hosting a Psychic Development Group on the wednesday but really didn’t feel up to it and asked one of senior members to take the class. I spent the evening being given Reiki from two students sat either side of me. They kindly bought me balloons and cake for my birthday which was a lovely surprise, but by the end of the night I was ready to curl up and hibernate. 

The next day, Thursday I made an appointment to go to the doctors. I was worried about my Asthma and I could feel my chest getting tight and my peak flow was down at 300. I felt so ill that I really didn’t want to get out of bed at all, but my hubby drove me in the car. I was sick on the way to the doctors surgery and found the receoptionists to be quite un sympathetic about my situation and just gave me a plastic bowl and sent me to sit in the waiting room. Before too long I was sick again infront of everyone, not my finest hour. They then realised that I was not well and moved me out of the waiting room and into another side room where we sat for a further 20 minutes waiting to be seen. 

When we eventurally got in, my doctor was not that interested that I came about my asthma and immediately diagnosed me with Flu, saying I had an infection which he diagnosed from my high temperature which was leading me not to talk sence quite a bit of the time. He seemed quite upbeat that I was the first case of flu he had seen this year and that it was a nasty case. He said I shoudl go home and take paracetamol and ibuprofen. No mention of steriods for my asthma which is what I went for. I mentioned to him that my symptoms felt the same as when I had had pneumonia a number of years previous – but he chose to ignore this as well and ushered us out the back way so as not to give the flu to anyone else in the surgery. He did say if I was worried to ring him. But it’s making that judgement as to when you are ill enough to be not to be considered a waste of time again.

I came straight home and jumped back into bed. I remained there for the rest of the day and the majority of the next. Friday night at 7pm after the surgery had closed I began to get worried, I had taken my ventolin numerous times and by this time I could not take a deep enough breath to get it in and as I was using it direct (lost my spacer during a house move) it would hit the back of my throat and cause me to start coughing again. It was getting a vicious circle. I planned to ring the surgery in the morning to make a follow up appointment and felt I was now ill enough to be seen again. 

By the time I went to bed, I was beginning to wonder if I would make it until the morning and looking back in retrospect should have just dialled 999 and got the ambulance out then. But I was being a brave little soldier and didn’t want to make a fuss. I didn’t sleep due to my asthma and feeling unwell and watched the clock go around. By 6am I was getting frightened as it was getting harder and harder to breath. I agreed in the end to speak to the emergency on call doctor service who sent an ambulance out. 

We waited over an hour for the ambulance to arrive. They asked us to leave lights on at the front of the house so they could find us easily, and if you could believe anything else would go wrong, we had an electricity power cut and all lights went out. It was during the time of phoning for an ambulance and them arriving that I felt there was a strong posibility that I would be on the other side of the veil before they arrived. My breathing got shallower and shallower and I was really struggling. Once I realised that I could actually die here, I began to panic and cry, this was not helping me and just made my breathing worse. I was not worried about dying, but I was booked to start a mentor ship with Tony Stockwell and Natalie Walker next saturday to become a platform medium and I still wanted to do it. My spirit guides began gathering in the living room where I sat desperately trying to breath. They began creating a sacred space around me and I wondered what was going on. My large white wolf Sara who I only see when I am working within a sacred space sat to my left. My White Eagle named Ieasha came up through the floor, White Eagle – my american indian guide stood before me just off to the left whilst the others which are too many to mention too their places. Now for those of you who do not have the same belief systems as me may be thinking I was hallucinating, those who work spiritually will know exactly what I am talking about. 

Eventually the ambulance crew arrived and Emily and Mike were the most welcome early morning visitors anyone could ever expect to have. I was so greatful to see them both and they were amazing. They immediately took a quick history, listened to my chest and put my on a nebuliser to ease my breathing. I then had a second one with a longer acting agent in. Emily said she thought I had an infection (temp still high) and that it has started to spread to my other organs. She said normally I would be given a course of antibiotics but that they would take three days to take effect and I didn’t have three days. Oh my lord, that got me panicking again. I was trying so hard not to cry and again making things worse for myself. But I was thinking again of my Platform Mediumship Mentoring, I thought that I was going to be the one being pulled through with messages instead of being the one who was on stage being the medium. 

Eventually we got into the hospital with more nebuliser and oxygen on the way. We went very quickly through Resus into the main Resus where they kept me under close observation for the remainder of the morning. I had lots of bloods done and a chest X-ray which confirmed Pneumonia. My infections levels were weight into the roof and my Liver Function Test was abnormal, talking to my friend later, she confirmed that this would happen if the paramedic had been right and that the infection was beginning to spread to my other internal organs which could have led to a full blown sepsis within 24 hours and full organ shut down. 

In the afternoon they moved me to the Acute Observation Unit on a drip and monitors etc. I was there for two and a half days. The nights were the worst for as soon as I closed my eyes I would start seeing things. This is not unusual for me, but when in normal health I can easily open and shut down at will. There was no shutting down, I am presuming that at this time I was closer to the other side than this one which made the connection easier, not that I wanted an easy connection at this time. 

One night I closed my eyes to see lots of faces in a a kind of window and they all morphed from one to the next, there was so many of them and they were all close up. I saw lots of weird stuff as well which I now have difficulty in remembering. One particular night when I was coughing like mad, I tried to give myself some Reiki, I also called upon my guides to give me Reiki and also opened a trap door above me to allow all the well wishes and healing energy from friends who know me well and from those whom I am yet to know well come through, It was like lots of bright coloured birthday packages arriving with glitter and sunlight and streamers and I did enjoy the scene. I thought this a good trick to use again when other people say they are sending you healing and intend to use it again.

Another time when I was feeling particularly low and closed my eyes to try and sleep, I saw White Eagle my Red Indian Guide. His face was huge and right up close. Out of his left eye errupted this huge tear which fell down on me. I knew this was for healing. Shamans believe that tears cried in love or emotion are sacred and keep them in a little bottle to use in healing ceremonies. I felt blessed, however in a heartbeat the scene changed and I was being swept down this road made of a brick coloured dirt. I got carried faster and faster until there began a swirling vortex below us and I was just gobbled up and merged back into the earth. At first I thought this meant I was going back to the source and dying but looking at it now, I think it meant that I was to stay on the earth plane a little longer. 

As the IV antibiotics and Steriods began to work, I began to feel a little fitter and still had it set in my mind that I was going to now attend this course. I asked my spirit guides and got a BIG NO…. hmmm It was not the answer I wanted to I tried to bargain with them, plead with them but they were having none of it. I didn’t tell Gordon this at the time as he would have said immediately that I was not to go, as it was he was still considering that I could go. I did write to the course though and explain the situation. But still said I was planning on coming, my guides were growling at me is distaste that I was ignoring their advice. It was as if they were saying, well why ask us if you are not going to follow our advice. 

I had booked my room with Premier in on a non refundable boooking as I had no idea something like this was going to happen. Amazingly they rang me on the Monday and said that due to a party on the saturday night there would be loud noise and I could cancel if I wished or move to a different hotel. I told them I would talk to my hubby and get back to them. I was still hoping I could go, however I think spirit must have been stepping in at this point giving me a second sign not to go. The third came that evening when I got an email from the course saying that they had everything in hand and that if I felt wel enough that was fine, but that my health must come first. They would organise a skype session for me to catch up on what was covered over the weekend. At this point my husband stepped in and said well thats it. You can do the skype session. If you go now you are nutz as you can’t even walk upstairs without it wiping you out. I had to agree and today have cancelled the room and informed the course I won’t be attending thier first workshop.

Another coincidence or synchronicity was on two separate teaching days when my students were using me as a subject to learn aura scanning. Two students on two separate workshops both picked up something in the area of my lungs where the pneumonia was. At the time I put it down to a change in the weather and thought they were picking up my Asthma. But this just goes to show how we can find things in the aura and if left untreated, they can develope into something physical. In retrospect what I should have done is had George who has a lot more experience (George works at Spirit Walker Crystals) to check this out look deeper into the rout cause them. It is also interesting that a new student who has never done aura scanning could pick up an irregularity and yet a general practitioner could not.

I always wonder what has happened in my life to allow this to happen, what could it have been in my past that effected my heart chaikra to allow me to get pneumonia twice as I had another bout about 10 or 11 years ago. At first I thought it was to do with an issue at work that I took personally but that would not account for the episode 10 year ago, so I decided to meditate and look further into it. 

As I said it is my 57th Birthday today and at the age of 57 my mother had an anurism rupture in her brain and she almost died. We watched her and waited all night with the staff, none of them who thought she would make it. She should really have gone home then, but my father sat at her side praying all night for a miracle. The following morning she turned a corner and was moved to a different hospital where they operated. She stayed in intensive care for many months and eventually my father had her home. But it was not the mother I knew that came home. She now had dementia from chain stoking all night on the original night that the anurism ruptured which had led to a diminished amount of oxygen getting to her brain. She went on to live another 21 years, 7 of those with my father and the remainder in a nursing home. When this happened, my mum was fit and healthy working full time as a manageress of a shoe shop, looking forward to the time when she would retire. They had lots of plans that they never got to live out. This is a lesson to us all to live each day as if it were our last for none of us know what is around the corner or when our holiday on the earth plane may end suddenly.

I have frequently got messages and oracle cards stating I had issues with my father which always confused me as I was very close to him and never felt that I had any issues. But upon examing the evidence I have just talked about, I have always felt her time to go was then. I felt my father was wrong to try and keep her with him at all costs, never thinking of the consequences for him, her or the rest of the family. Of course I have never vocalised this before, which is probably why my throat chakra is frequently out and I tend to wear so much blue. As soon as I am well enough I will sort this out, once you recognise an issue you can deal with it, if we just keep burying it like I have done, it roots itself and causes no end of issues. I would not be surprised if my Asthma is not down to this as well. How I will sort it out will be for another blog as this is turning into a bit of a book in itself. 

If you are still with me, I always wondered if either my brother or I would fall ill around the age of 57. My brother sailed past it so I now began wondering if it would be me. I did not dwell on this at all, but every now and again wondered about life at this age. In the previous months approaching my birthday I wanted to live life to the full, we purchased a motor home to spend quality time away from work or even quality time relaxing and working. I am not good at sitting doing nothing, my hubby likes to fish and I would be quite happy sitting with my ipad on a deck chair doing a bit of  work. I don’t see this as work by the way so it’s a pleasure for me rather than a hindrance if you know what I mean. I was planning to take more time off work to enjoy life, and I am sure you can see where this is going. I obviously was subconsciously thinking of my mum and my birthday and about life expectancy after this age. 

We generally create what we are thinking, although not all the time and certainly not consciously I was creating a life threatening situation around my 57th birthday and I did pretty well don’t you think. Another lesson in to watch what we think. 

My intention is as before to sort this out and release the past just as soon as I am better and have enough strength to do so. 

It has taught me that life is precious and that there are far more important things than work work work. The problem is I love my work and struggle to get the work life balance every day. If you keep up with my blog you will begin to see if I have actually learnt anything from this experience or if in a few months I am back up to full speed of work work work. 

I took my peak flow for the first time since Thursday when I went to see the doctor about it. It was 225 which is lower than it was on Thursday and after three days of antibiotics and steriods. It should be around 450 when my asthma in well under control. This told me that I still have to take it easy and allow myself to heal. 

To finish this off, a friend emailed me this morning a photograph of a clock that hangs above her fireplace. Often when spirit want to give me a little message and I am ignoring the messages they approach my friends. So do take this on board if you begin to make friends with me. LOL. Anyway back to the clock, it had stopped at 7.30am and had fallen off its hook and was hanging by nothing that my friend could see, she was a bit baffled by this and sent the pix to me to see what I think. I told her that it was 7.30 when the ambulance crew told me I didn’t have three days and I felt I was so close to going home, if you look at the clock face and don’t look at the numbers it now reads 5 past four which is the time the doc came and told me I was allowed to go home yesterday. How it remained hanging there niether of us has no idea. But just maybe it was to confirm that my life was actually in the balance just like the clock between those hours.

I am so pleased to be able to share this with you, thats if you are still with me as I have rambled on quite a bit. I am also excited that although still very weak, disappointed that I have to miss the start of my course, I am able to begin creating my future from here on in with positivity, renewed learnings and love and respect for my spirit team. Bring on my next adventure!!


  1. Hi Gaye. Firstly a belated happy birthday to you. What a terrible experience you have had, but you now have the opportunity of ‘putting things to rights’ with getting things off your chest. You have such good friends, colleagues and people to support you and I am sure that given time, you will recover completely, and sort out the various problems. You are now on the right track. With love and blessings x


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